What influence do parents have on their children’s friendships? A mother has been asking herself this question every day for several weeks. Because from one day to the next, nothing was the same in her seven-year-old son’s circle of friends – because of his religion.
At the beginning of December, the 36-year-old, who does not wish to be named in this article to protect her child, noticed abnormalities in her son’s behaviour. The boy was in second grade at Schopenhauer primary school in Dortmund (photo) and ‘suddenly became introverted and quickly became aggressive’, the mother recalls.
She kept talking to him, but her child didn’t confide in her. ‘But he suddenly started asking strange questions, for example, he wanted to know whether we were allowed to eat pork as Christians.’
A few days later, she was finally called by her son’s class teacher because the boy could hardly be calmed down in class. ‘I spoke to the class teacher about the possible cause of this incident and then approached my son again,’ says the 36-year-old.
She followed up several times and then her son told her: He told her that he was being ostracised by his friends at school. ‘My son is almost the only Christian in the class, the majority of the children are Muslim,’ says the mother. ‘That must have suddenly become problematic,’ she regrets.
Her son told her about comments such as ‘you’re not allowed to sit at this table, it’s a table only for Muslims’ and ‘we won’t play with you because you eat pork’. The class teacher also suspected that the different religions were the reason for the conflict. ‘My son confirmed this with his descriptions,’ says the mother.
The fact that her child was ostracised because of his religion particularly concerns the 36-year-old. ‘That’s not childish behaviour and comes from the parents, they’re putting pressure on them,’ she says confidently. ‘Until then, my son didn’t even know that there were different religions.’
She therefore asked the school management for immediate remedial action in a detailed letter dated the 21st of December, which is available to this editorial team. On enquiry, the deputy headteacher Sahver Münch wrote: ‘You can be sure that the situation in question was very carefully monitored and dealt with by us as a professional team.’
The school management and class teacher had held discussions with the seven-year-old’s mother, the class and the other parents, and the entire staff had been sensitised. ‘We are very keen to unite our school community and not divide it,’ emphasises Münch.
The mother is astonished by the school’s statement: ‘I didn’t realise that there had been any discussions with the others.’ In addition, her son continues to be ostracised by his classmates.
She had also sought dialogue with the parents of his classmates herself. ‘I already knew the parents and children from kindergarten, there were never any problems, the children were really good friends,’ she says. One mum promised to talk to her child. ‘But she hasn’t said hello to me since.’
The 36-year-old would now like to push for a change of school, but her son is still very attached to Schopenhauer primary school. ‘They were his best friends,’ she says. ’He just wants them to play with him again.’
Better to be a pig-eater than a camel piss drinker.